Effective Anger Management – Part II – Strategies

Strategies for Anger Management:

Effective anger management begins with one’s ability to separate the fact of the anger emotion from its expression and its hold on the person. This separation involves four steps:

• Accept the fact of the anger feeling: Anger is a regular part of our life, and like all other emotions, it is an involuntary physiological response. The way our body reacts to people or situations is very much built into our early childhood conditioning and our DNA. Research seems to suggest that our initial reactions to stimuli does not change much throughout our life. What can change is how we become aware of and how we choose to respond to those stimuli.
• Become aware of the anger feeling: Before we get to expressing our anger, we must allow ourselves to become aware of its existence. While the first step of the actual feeling cannot be stopped, we ourselves make the decision to become aware of it or to deny it.

  Many of us have learned to deny the pain we felt when we were hurt by criticism or ridicule, and thus have conditioned ourselves against these feelings and repressed them to the point of disowning them entirely.

  Denial of repressed feelings is usually so unconscious that we may come to believe that we are actually not angry or hurt, when indeed we are full of rage and agony. Interestingly, others may notice these repressed emotions through our tight voices, our stiff gestures, or the cynical perspective we hold of the world around us. On a deeper level, disowned and unexpressed anger has a devastating effect on the immune system. Expressions such as “he makes me sick”, or ” I am sick of this” can become self fulfilling prophecies. Unless they are dealt with properly, these expressions will all too often manifest in the form of actual disease.

  Becoming aware of our anger is critical in terms of our development as integrated human beings. If we allow ourselves to become aware of our anger feelings and own up to them, we can then move on to the third step of expressing them.

  Allowing our selves to become aware of our anger involves identifying our “anger triggers” and exploring how they impact us. If it is something someone said or did to you, ask yourself why it made you angry. Give yourself time to think, count till 10 as we have often been told. This gives you time to think and put the situation into the proper perspective.

• Express your anger feelings: Once you have experienced the anger feeling, have had awareness of the feeling, then you are ready to express it in some form. The way in which we express our anger feelings depends upon the situation. If we are angry at someone, it may be entirely appropriate to show that anger directly, as long as we don’t hurt or otherwise abuse the other person. Other times it may be more appropriate to pound a pillow or break out into a howl when you are alone in a car or in your own room. The point is that we can choose how we want to express our feelings, or whether or not we want to express them at all.

  Keep in mind that anger is neither good nor bad. It becomes a positive or negative experience depending upon the way in which it is expressed. Like all other forms of energy, it can be used either creatively or destructively. When anger is expressed in a safe, controlled environment, perceptions that were formerly clouded by range can become crystal clear. The mind becomes much keener once liberated by a managed expression of anger.

  While we encourage the managed and safe expression of anger, we are quick to note that the mere unleashing of anger does little to promote growth and healing. It may make you feel better for a short while, but in all likelihood, it could make the objects of your rage feel worse, causing them to react defensively and just as angrily as you are.

• Bring closure and drop the anger. Once you have admitted the existence of an anger feeling, allowed your self to understand what kinds of people and situations tend to enrage you, and why do you think you react the way you do, and once you have expressed your anger in a managed manner, you must now feel relieved. It is now time to drop your anger and walk away from it.

Expressing your anger in a healthy way is not a surety that the object of your anger or response will change to your satisfaction. Whether or not that happens, you should walk away knowing that you have done all you can by expressing your anger in a healthy way. Remember, you are only responsible for your behavior and not every one else’s.

Using the four steps above can help you manage anger more effectively. Here are some wrong ways to deal with anger, each of which has serious ramifications:

• Ignoring the existence of the anger feeling.
• Denying that you are experiencing an anger feeling through evasion or bottling up..
• Taking your anger on someone or something other than the object of your anger.
• Unleashing your anger with no respect to the feelings of others.
• Keep coming back to the anger theater.

If you find yourself unable to manage anger effectively, or if you are mismanaging anger in any of the five ways above, you may need some professional help with your anger. Please contact your primary care physician, or call our office for an appointment with a trained therapist.

Hinsdale SCTC (630)-850-2121

Naperville SCTC (630)-983-7530

Life is too short to spend it in anger and dismay. Take charge of your anger today…. “For a Balanced Life”

Disclaimer

This material is provided for informational purposes only. None of the information provided in this site is to replace a timely visit with a health care provider or your behavioral health professional.